Many changes have taken place in the last couple of months. I changed my social group. I surprised my family with a holiday visit. I got reacquainted with my oldest (high school )friends, got closer to them, left them with a bit of a bang--sorry trav. I visited a friend in Virginia and left with extended commitment. I spoke my piece with the girls in the flat...and yes, it sucked. Yes, it was hard. No, I don’t regret it. I am nice but I am no fool. If you didn't know it before, you do now....at least they do, anyway.
At the end of the day its really very simple.
I’ve always claimed to be the star of my own life.
I’ve been lying to myself and to everyone around me.
What I wore was a facade of confidence, a thin veneer that ultimately could be scratched away to reveal a people-pleaser.
I was miserable and instead of standing up for my own happiness, instead of being my own champion, I did what made everyone else happy. I went with the flow. I didn’t air my grievances I just accepted them, because in my own words --spoken to multiple people-- ‘I am not a confrontational person’.
While talking to a girlfriend about her on and off again lover, I lost my patience. I looked at her and said ‘why don’t you change it; stop complaining and change it’...and then I realized I was being a hypocrite. Here I was wallowing in my problems, sitting in silence to keep the peace and playing the good girl when ultimately it was not for me.
I know my problem. I accepted it and I addressed it.
Ultimately, I’m sure I hurt people but I cant afford to care. This may sound selfish and ego-centric but I honestly couldn’t care less. I made a choice and I’ve chosen my happiness.
I choose my happiness over your feelings and I don’t make apologies for it. Ultimately, if I don’t stand for my own happiness, no one else can or will.
Now that the drama is over, I will resume posting about the awesomeness that is Spain. Get excited! I'm going to have detailed travel journals and pictures.
That being said, I leave you with these lovely words of advice. If people are having a negative influence on you, making you feel less than what you are, disrespecting you or just generally exhausting.... kick them out of your life!
Be the leading lady of your life and stop acting like the best friend.
Arthur Abbot : ...in the movies we have leading ladies and we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason you are behaving like the best friend.
Iris: You're so right. You're supposed to be the leading lady of your own life, for god's sake! Arthur, I've been going to a therapist for three years, and she's never explained anything to me that well. That was brilliant. Brutal, but brilliant.
“The Holiday”
Showing posts with label Low Lows. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Low Lows. Show all posts
1.31.2011
12.11.2009
Right now...en este momento, dilwatee
Damien Rice
9 crimes
12 days, 5 finals, 1 big problem.
that is all.
9 crimes
12 days, 5 finals, 1 big problem.
that is all.
12.06.2009
Yay stalkers...really, rah freaking rah
I have gotten 25 calls from a man (I believe) I have never met. I answered the phone the 19th (or so) time, thinking it could possibly be a random egyptian buddy. I do pass my number out like candy...but only to truly awesome people. Anyway the conversation went like this.
guy: hello
-- an aside: I hate this, when you call you give your name and ask for the person you want if you are not sure they are there.
me: hello?
-- maybe you wont screw up again.
guy: hello?
---WRONG!
me: yes, what do you want?
guy: what is your name?
me: what do you mean 'whats my name'? you called me; you should be telling me your name!
guy: I am mohammed
me: do I know you mohammed?
guy: do you speak arabic?
me: dont call me anymore.
10 calls later I receive a text...and I quote:
if i could give you one thing in life, i would give you the ability to see yourself through my eyes to let you know how special you are to me.
......... have we met?
So, I saved this number as NO in my phone so I dont assume he's a friend (I forgot to save) and answer the phone.
guy: hello
-- an aside: I hate this, when you call you give your name and ask for the person you want if you are not sure they are there.
me: hello?
-- maybe you wont screw up again.
guy: hello?
---WRONG!
me: yes, what do you want?
guy: what is your name?
me: what do you mean 'whats my name'? you called me; you should be telling me your name!
guy: I am mohammed
me: do I know you mohammed?
guy: do you speak arabic?
me: dont call me anymore.
10 calls later I receive a text...and I quote:
if i could give you one thing in life, i would give you the ability to see yourself through my eyes to let you know how special you are to me.
......... have we met?
So, I saved this number as NO in my phone so I dont assume he's a friend (I forgot to save) and answer the phone.
11.20.2009
When stupid people get together and feed off
one another's lies, crap like this happens.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/8369983.stm
and this...
http://english.aljazeera.net/news/middleeast/2009/11/20091120132218441380.html
I spoke to an egyptian today who was very upset after I alleged that egyptians destroyed egyptian property. She insisted that they were, in fact, algerian........ That egyptians were being murdered left and right in Algeria... اي ده? SERIOUSLY? And people believe this GARBAGE!
I am nice and kind but I had to burst her bubble. Why would algerians be sticking around in Zamalek after such an emotionally charged debacle? Why would algerians be protesting against ALGERIA? Do you really think there is a conspiracy to make egyptians look bad?
You make yourself look bad...mobilizing around a game while your country is pretty much becoming a monarchy. Just give Gamal Mubarak his crown, already.
When my professors criticized the game as a diversion from the political fiasco(s in egypt AND algeria) I thought they were paranoid but it makes perfect sense! This game business has devolved into complete and utter absurdity.
I am disappointed, disappointed that diplomatic relations could possibly deteriorate over a soccer (football) game. Disappointed that officials, instead of calling for calm, are talking about taking a "tough stance". Disappointed that news outlets are fanning the flames of this ...this MESS. Disappointed that university students actually believe these conspiracy theories...apparently Intro to Logic is not a required course at AUC.
Zamalek is beautiful... I'd like to keep it that way. Respect your country; respect yourself.
هو ده...
and this...
I spoke to an egyptian today who was very upset after I alleged that egyptians destroyed egyptian property. She insisted that they were, in fact, algerian........ That egyptians were being murdered left and right in Algeria... اي ده? SERIOUSLY? And people believe this GARBAGE!
I am nice and kind but I had to burst her bubble. Why would algerians be sticking around in Zamalek after such an emotionally charged debacle? Why would algerians be protesting against ALGERIA? Do you really think there is a conspiracy to make egyptians look bad?
You make yourself look bad...mobilizing around a game while your country is pretty much becoming a monarchy. Just give Gamal Mubarak his crown, already.
When my professors criticized the game as a diversion from the political fiasco(s in egypt AND algeria) I thought they were paranoid but it makes perfect sense! This game business has devolved into complete and utter absurdity.
I am disappointed, disappointed that diplomatic relations could possibly deteriorate over a soccer (football) game. Disappointed that officials, instead of calling for calm, are talking about taking a "tough stance". Disappointed that news outlets are fanning the flames of this ...this MESS. Disappointed that university students actually believe these conspiracy theories...apparently Intro to Logic is not a required course at AUC.
Zamalek is beautiful... I'd like to keep it that way. Respect your country; respect yourself.
هو ده...
11.18.2009
Me di cuento del hecho que....
I only blog when Egypt ticks me off, which is why I blog so little. Well, that and (to be quite honest) work ya'll ;) Anywho last week we did Marsa Alam. We took the bus but missed our stop (because you just kinda tell the driver where to stop) and ending up trekking maybe a kilometer through the desert. :) it was awesome!
Alex went snorkeling and it was AWESOME! No really, the most fun I've had in a while. I've decided to learn to swim...tired of missing out. The amenities were awesome...the service, meh. An egyptian was yelled at and the problem was solved :). But yeah, Marsa Alam = awesomeness.
The Egypt/Algerie game is tonight and I'll be officially done with midterms in 15 min! I'm totes going to get caught up in some mob of egyptian madness tonight.
On a more random note, I have the worst luck EVER! Things fall into place just as the trip starts to end. Life in egypt rocks and is cheap and AWESOME. I havent always appreciated it but I do now...& the countdown begins. I have exactly 1 month and 5 days before my great Egyptian adventure is over and another begins... STOP THE TAPE! no sadness here! I'm still in FRIGGIN EGYPT! HOLLA!
Alex went snorkeling and it was AWESOME! No really, the most fun I've had in a while. I've decided to learn to swim...tired of missing out. The amenities were awesome...the service, meh. An egyptian was yelled at and the problem was solved :). But yeah, Marsa Alam = awesomeness.
The Egypt/Algerie game is tonight and I'll be officially done with midterms in 15 min! I'm totes going to get caught up in some mob of egyptian madness tonight.
On a more random note, I have the worst luck EVER! Things fall into place just as the trip starts to end. Life in egypt rocks and is cheap and AWESOME. I havent always appreciated it but I do now...& the countdown begins. I have exactly 1 month and 5 days before my great Egyptian adventure is over and another begins... STOP THE TAPE! no sadness here! I'm still in FRIGGIN EGYPT! HOLLA!
11.02.2009
اليوم و اليوم فقط لا احب مصر
A series of bad experiences (people cheating me, being generally uncooperative, demanding I speak arabic when the only non-amea words in my sentence are part of a name, brushes with IGNORANT international students) have made me hate egypt...just for today, I promise. Actually, the last bit about international students cant even be attributed to egypt...these kids are american or from the EU. Still, it makes me want to strangle someone. It's not even that I want to go home...I'd gladly fly to the EU and finish out the semester there...but thats a pansy move.
Everyone studies abroad in the EU, myself included. I just have to keep going over why I came here...its different, I need/love to study arabic, its FRIGGIN egypt! But i'm no longer loving arabic...perhaps because the professors here (while good) cannot compete with Emory Professors in the Arabic department. Asifa but it's true...and pretty darn sad.
I'm tired of the egyptian obsession with whiteness... Everybody has color issues but when it means I walk into an establishment and they fall all over themselves helping my (white) companion and treat me like they're paying me for a service.....we have issues. It's kinda pathetic. Whatever happened to egyptian pride? to history and culture? whatever.
I'm tired of RUDE people...people who smoke RIGHT outside of a classroom, run into you like they dont see you standing there, pee facing traffic (the peeing in public is bad ENOUGH) and refuse to do their jobs, you know, the one they are getting PAID FOR. Excuse me, I know this is Cairo and everyone smokes but your smoke gives me a headache and the girl beside me is asthmatic...move your habit elsewhere. // the next girl that acts like I'm supposed to move outta her way when she is coming down the stairs beside her friend is getting stabbed...or at least cursed out...or tripped or shoved // nasty old (and young) men who AEYZ.... really old man, really? you want? you WANT WHAT? I'm so disgusted by most of the men I encounter here....there isnt enough liquor in all of egypt for me to talk to you. Cause for real, you are sitting on the corner...do you have a job? when is the last time you showered? you are NASTY and I'd rather ROT than let you within five feet of me...yes even black girls have standards...SURPRISE!
Tomorrow, I will love Egypt insha'allah but now...I'm tired of dirty [insert expletive here] streets, people constantly littering, being unable to breath, vendors who dont give change, smokers and people who act like they are doing me a favor by letting me live in this (another expletive[just for today]) country.
Everyone studies abroad in the EU, myself included. I just have to keep going over why I came here...its different, I need/love to study arabic, its FRIGGIN egypt! But i'm no longer loving arabic...perhaps because the professors here (while good) cannot compete with Emory Professors in the Arabic department. Asifa but it's true...and pretty darn sad.
I'm tired of the egyptian obsession with whiteness... Everybody has color issues but when it means I walk into an establishment and they fall all over themselves helping my (white) companion and treat me like they're paying me for a service.....we have issues. It's kinda pathetic. Whatever happened to egyptian pride? to history and culture? whatever.
I'm tired of RUDE people...people who smoke RIGHT outside of a classroom, run into you like they dont see you standing there, pee facing traffic (the peeing in public is bad ENOUGH) and refuse to do their jobs, you know, the one they are getting PAID FOR. Excuse me, I know this is Cairo and everyone smokes but your smoke gives me a headache and the girl beside me is asthmatic...move your habit elsewhere. // the next girl that acts like I'm supposed to move outta her way when she is coming down the stairs beside her friend is getting stabbed...or at least cursed out...or tripped or shoved // nasty old (and young) men who AEYZ.... really old man, really? you want? you WANT WHAT? I'm so disgusted by most of the men I encounter here....there isnt enough liquor in all of egypt for me to talk to you. Cause for real, you are sitting on the corner...do you have a job? when is the last time you showered? you are NASTY and I'd rather ROT than let you within five feet of me...yes even black girls have standards...SURPRISE!
Tomorrow, I will love Egypt insha'allah but now...I'm tired of dirty [insert expletive here] streets, people constantly littering, being unable to breath, vendors who dont give change, smokers and people who act like they are doing me a favor by letting me live in this (another expletive[just for today]) country.