On being a leading lady...and changes

Many changes have taken place in the last couple of months.  I changed my social group.  I surprised my family with a holiday visit.  I got reacquainted with my oldest (high school )friends, got closer to them, left them with a bit of a bang--sorry trav.  I visited a friend in Virginia and left with extended commitment.  I spoke my piece with the girls in the flat...and yes, it sucked.  Yes, it was hard.  No, I don’t regret it.  I am nice but I am no fool.  If you didn't know it before, you do now....at least they do, anyway.

At the end of the day its really very simple.

I’ve always claimed to be the star of my own life.

I’ve been lying to myself and to everyone around me.

What I wore was a facade of confidence, a thin veneer that ultimately could be scratched away to reveal a people-pleaser.

I was miserable and instead of standing up for my own happiness, instead of being my own champion, I did what made everyone else happy.  I went with the flow.  I didn’t air my grievances  I just accepted them, because in my own words --spoken to multiple people-- ‘I am not a confrontational person’.

While talking to a girlfriend about her on and off again lover, I lost my patience.  I looked at her and said ‘why don’t you change it; stop complaining and change it’...and then I realized I was being a hypocrite.  Here I was wallowing in my problems, sitting in silence to keep the peace and playing the good girl when ultimately it was not for me.

I know my problem.  I accepted it and I addressed it.

Ultimately, I’m sure I hurt people but I cant afford to care.  This may sound selfish and ego-centric but I honestly couldn’t care less.  I made a choice and I’ve chosen my happiness.

I choose my happiness over your feelings and I don’t make apologies for it.   Ultimately, if I don’t stand for my own happiness, no one else can or will.

Now that the drama is over, I will resume posting about the awesomeness that is Spain.  Get excited!  I'm going to have detailed travel journals and pictures. 

That being said, I leave you with these lovely words of advice.  If people are having a negative influence on you, making you feel less than what you are, disrespecting you or just generally exhausting.... kick them out of your life! 

Be the leading lady of your life and stop acting like the best friend. 


Arthur Abbot : ...in the movies we have leading ladies and we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason you are behaving like the best friend.

Iris: You're so right. You're supposed to be the leading lady of your own life, for god's sake! Arthur, I've been going to a therapist for three years, and she's never explained anything to me that well. That was brilliant. Brutal, but brilliant.
“The Holiday”